Change happens

Carly Simon’s song “Comin’ Around Again” has special meaning to me for a couple of reasons.  First, it’s Carly Simon.  Second, it was featured in Nora Ephron’s movie “Heartburn” (NORA FREAKIN’ EPHRON).  Third, the lyrics are so much my past life.  So, so much.

Sometimes it does take the Universe seizing our life, turning it upside down, and shaking it as hard as it can to see what remains inside.  What was left for me was my son, my dog and two cats, my real friends, and my trusty old Subaru.

That was pretty much all I had left.   No bearings as my internal compass had taken quite a hit.  I had a part-time job, but that didn’t give us any health benefits.

Then everything happened that happened in between then and now.

Maybe I’m ready to tell the story now.  My son is currently at college making the beginnings of his own life, so he isn’t in any danger of reliving it with me, what we went through back then.

It seems so long ago.  It did begin a long time ago — and then my ex stretched it out even longer.  And then longer again.  It seemed like The Big Bad Awful would *never* end…. Seven years is a long time to spend in and out of courthouses and lawyers’ offices.

But I finally feel I have some distance, a buffer, from it all.  Not that time will ever really change how I look at it, nor will it soften the jagged edges.  But it can’t hurt me through the self-protecting padding — my good, true life — I’ve built around it.  I can look at it, turn it one way, then another, and examine it, and it can’t cut or burn me anymore.  It’s not a threat to me or my son anymore.  So maybe it’s time to tell this story.  I don’t know where, or how it will fall.  But it might be time.

Comin’ Around Again

Baby sneezes.
Mommy pleases.
Daddy breezes in.
So good on paper,
So romantic,
So bewildering.

I know nothing stays the same.
But if you’re willing to play the game,
It’s coming around again.
So don’t mind if I fall apart:
There’s more room in a broken heart.

Pay the grocer,
Fix the toaster,
Kiss the host goodbye.
Then you break a window,
Burn the soufflé,
Scream a lullaby.

I know nothing stays the same.
But if you’re willing to play the game,
It’s coming around again.
So don’t mind if I fall apart:
There’s more room in a broken heart.

And I believe in love —
What else can I do…
I know nothing stays the same.
But if you’re willing to play the game,
It’s coming around again.

I believe in love.
Now who knows where or when,
But it’s coming around again.

I know nothing stays the same —
But if you’re willing to play the game,
It will be coming around again…

                                       ~ Carly Simon

*Bill the Cat, “Passed Out From Life,” by Berkeley Breathed